Hi Everyone…

{ January 29, 2017 @ 11:43 pm } · { Blog Addiction }

I’ve wondered how many times I’ve started a post stating “I haven’t posted in a while”. I even stopped writing stories in Wattpad. Haven’t produced anything on YouTube. 

I am depressed. 

It’s really hard to write that and even harder to say out loud. 

I’m depressed because lately I haven’t been able to do things right. That is according to my parents. 

Wow so cliche right? Getting down because of parents? Yep, they’ve been scolding me even though I’m already XX years old. My dad has been worse. He’s saying that I’m not an achiever, I’m not motivated aka I’m a useless human being in his eyes. I’m also a coward and lazy because I’m afraid to get out of my comfort zone (current job). 

You might be thinking that maybe this blogger is lying or trying to gain sympathy when he really is what his father says… 

I’m not here to convince anyone. I usually just try to keep silent and just live on. However there’s a point when you just want to release maybe even a small amount of this pent-up feelings. 

In case you’re wondering… I’m a nurse. I work in a government hospital caring for people who can’t afford private hospitals. I am working for average wage with a workload (when I was in the ward) of average 30 patients every shift. Now I’m in the OR.  I’m a scrub nurse, and let me tell you that it’s a 1 on 1 thing. Major procedure, only one surgeon, one scrub nurse, one circu and one anesthesiologist. It’s not easy when you have prepare your sterile instruments, field and handing of instruments to the surgeon when you’re also in the operative field retracting along with the surgeon because he/she doesn’t have another surgeon as assist… That’s not counting facing angry families and patients because a non-profit government hospital ran out of money to buy supplies. 

Is that what one calls a comfort zone? There’s nothing comfortable getting threats of being reported as an errant employee because you can’t find anymore supplies in the stockroom and somehow it’s still the fault of the nurse. 

But still, like my colleagues, we try to save lives and every life we save is achievement enough despite the lack of supplies and equipment (and trainings and personnel etc). 

It’s not enough for my parents… They are still stuck on the notion that as a nurse I should go work abroad.

I am a registered nurse, I work to save lives nearly everyday. I have attended trainings, taken exams (out of my own pocket and absent  without pay per day)  to help improve myself and to better save lives. 

And yet I’m a bad son because I can’t find employment abroad…